Wait wait wait for the time it takes a heart to mend a break

Subject:	Survey
Time:	4:29 pm.

1) What would you like to say to the first person you kissed this year?
That's a weird question. 'Hiiii how you doin' ?

2) What was the last reason you were mad?
My mom wouldn't take me to barneveld yesterday. So then I had to go through a lot of shit in order to try and get there. I ended up not going luckily.

3) Where is your cell phone?
in my bedroom on my desk. I think.

4) Do you have a job? where?
I don't. I did go to The Stone (=store) though, since I noticed a sign saying they needed a full timer.

5) Where do you want to go?
Uhm.. New Zealand? Then I could finally see Nick again. Haven't talked to him for ages btw.

6) Where did you sleep last night?
In my bed! At home!

7) What time did you go to sleep last night?
2 am. I was texting with Iwan all evening/night =) He went to bed around that time as well.

8) What woke you up today?
Rosa, my cat. She was fighting with Olivier, Mieke's cat. I threw water next to them so they'd stop.

10) Any tattoos?
soon.

11) Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?
Depends which ex it is. If it's Iwan I let him in. If it's Arno, I castrate him.

12) Do you have any piercings?
3 in my tongue, 4 in each ear.

13) Who would be the first people to know if you were pregnant?
HAH! my parents?? ROB?? O_o Uhm, no kids for me please kthx.

15) Do you have any weird inside jokes?
:D yessss. gyyyaaaah shslshlshl. and politoed/mr mime! And 'eitje'. Stuff like that.

17) What did you do this weekend?
Friday: didn't know how in the world I was going to get to school. Found a solution together with my teacher blah blah.
Rob's dad was celebrating his birthday but I didn't go. Because they were all gonna watch soccer together (=40 people). Instead I texted Iwan and asked him if we could go do something but he was at a friend's house. So then we stuck to texting.

18) When was the last time someone yelled at you?
I can't remember.

19) How is your heart right now?
Pretty good? O_o

20) Have you ever been given an engagement ring?
No. It would probably scare the shit out of me xD

21) Have you ever tried to break someone up?
Not really. I have hoped for some people to break up. Which they always would in the end (thank god).

22) When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
This morning and yesterday (Arie, Iwan, Patrick)

25) Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
heh, duh. I hate cheaters. I would never do that.

27) Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Me! xD I was reading some old diaries (from 2005). I was really hilarious when I was 16.

28) Anything annoying you right now?
The european championship soccer. I fucking hate those horns people feel the need to use every 0.02 seconds when they're watching that shit. D:<

30) Who has your heart?
Rob! :)

31) Have you been in love?
yeees. quite a lot.

32) Have you done anything embarrassing lately?
Probably. I am embarrassing in general.

33) Do people make fun of your nationality?
No. Unless you count in Amous for calling me 'Dutch girl'.

36) Who's the last person of the opposite sex you hugged?
Rob

40) Where do you get your money?
Hah. I get it just for being a student. How cool is that.

43) Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex?
I like both. I also like guys with dark skin, actually ;D haha

44) What was your dream about last night?
O MY FUCKING GOD. My dream last night was... shocking. It was sooo weird!
I dreamt I was on a holiday with my parents and some other people. Wisse was there (he's also one of my exes, I dated him for like 6 weeks when I was 16 lol). Wisse and I were trying to have sex, but people kept walking in on us the entire time O_O

45) How often do you drive? Where do you go?
Not often. No licence.

46) Do you have a Facebook?
No

50) Are you currently frustrated with a girl?
hah, no.

53) Who is the last person to call you babe?
Rob, probably?

54) Do you miss anyone?
Yes! There isn't much I can do about it.

55) How is your hair right now?
Interesting. I've been sleeping for most of the afternoon because I wasn't feeling too good.

56) Have you ever been called Prince/Princess?
WTF. Luckily not.

58) What is tomorrow? Any plans?
Sunday. No plans.

59) Do you wear makeup every day?
If I have to go somewhere, yes. Today I'm without.

60) If you could change one thing now, what would it be?
It would probably have something to do with Iwan. We were having an awkward msn convo. Which was weird because I felt damn close to him last night actually. With all the texts.

Comments: Kick me.

Subject:	Barnacles!
Time:	8:41 am.

Apparently, everyone from public transport is on a strike now. I really hate those people (I can't help it). At least they're getting their point across. Or something. D:< I hope I'll be able to make it to my school today.

Buses already stopped driving weeks ago except during rush hour. So I was extremely glad I didn't have to go anywhere by bus! I found out this morning that some trains won't be driving (?) either. And of course this has to be a major issue today. Just now that I actually do have to go somewhere. Imagine getting to your destination without all the fun of delayed trains! Life simply wouldn't be the same.

I managed to find departure times where I'll probably make it. They suck real bad though. I have to wait in Barneveld for an hour before I can go back home. So I'm bringing my DS, my ipod and a book. I bet I'll be done with the pokémon league when I get home.

A fun day out in the Netherlands. Hurray!

Comments: Kick me.

Subject:	It's all like, really cool!
Time:	5:55 pm.
Mood:	apathetic.

When I woke up this morning I was already out of breath and shaky as hell. It's like... ~*INSTA-EXHAUSTION*~ or something. What the fuck. I immediately felt like laying back down again to try and BREATHE. I still have that feeling now :( I don't know where it's coming from. I had to run to the phone when Rob called. By the time I picked up the phone I was panting like I'd just ran up the stairs. I wonder, is my physical condition that of a 90 year old lady???! Seems like it.

I remember running into Menno about a month ago and telling him (with obvious pride in my voice): 'I'm only 2 pounds away from being officially overweight!' And ever since I have avoided our bathroom scale. That thing does NOT make me happy.

-shamelessly moves on to the next subject- :D -still can't seem to breathe AAAH-

Today our new TV was delivered. It's huge, flat and now hanging on our wall in the living room. I'm against flat screens. I like my own fat, tiny television! >:[ Sometimes I can't even see what's going on when I'm watching a movie because my screen is too small. xD Everything sort of walks out the picture if you know what I mean. Isn't that the coolest thing ever? Haha. Our old TV died a painful death. My mom leaned against it once and it collapsed and stuff. Which of course is also really cool.

Comments: 2 kicks -Kick me.

Subject:	Snooze button
Time:	9:48 pm.

Like I predicted, I haven't done anything useful lately. Every day the presentation springs to mind but I never get started on it. And I actually haven't heard from Romina. Which amazes me! Omfg if even SHE isn't worrying about it, it's serious. I think everyone is tired of school and trying. I know I am.

I should be looking for a job by now. I'm going to work & save money for a year and then try to find out what I want to do next. Right now I haven't got a clue. But then I wonder: what job do I want? If I want to make sure I get paid properly I'll have to work for a veterinarian. You know, be the assistant who takes all the crap, has to answer the phone calls and listen to people whining all day (been there).

And I really hate doing that. But it'll be less boring/useless than working at a store or whatever. But even if I did decide to do that I'll have a hard time finding a practice who wants to hire me. For as far as I know there aren't any around here that need new employees... But maybe I should just ask anyways? :/

I drive myself insane thinking about these things. I can never decide on anything! When my parents ask, I tell them I need to think about it some more. And then I proceed to put things off for as long as I can. Goddamit. How is it possible to feel really fucking old (yeah weird I know) and young at the same time?? When it comes to making decisions I feel young and useless. And then I feel old the rest of the time. I don't want to turn 20, I want to be a teenager. Be 13 again and go to high school and not think about anything except homework. It sounds really stupid but I think about that 24/7 xD I need to hit the snooze button on my midlife crisis alarm! It's more like a quarter life crisis :P

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Subject:	Such a random post... Golly.
Time:	11:28 pm.
Mood:	confused.
Music:	Portishead- mysterons.

Prepare for the weirdest entry ever. Then you may read on. Ta-daaaa.

I really hate those lyrics sites. They all copy everything from each other and they're always wrong. And their lyrics include an insane amount of typos! Does anyone know a *good* site?

I have a feeling I forgot something important... It's annoying.

And do you know who else is annoying as hell? Rob. You never could've guessed.

I already told him yesterday evening that I wanted to watch the double House episode, which was on today. He was like 'okay'. Since he doesn't particularly enjoy watching House, we agreed to NOT see each other for *ONE* day. And STILL he calls me four times to ask if I want to come to his place. NOOOOO! We talked about this! When I had my room in Barneveld I only saw him during the weekends. And now all of a sudden it's a disaster if he can't be with me every day? I don't feel the need to be together *all the time*. It just gets boring and by the way, I like being on my own sometimes.

I feel like I'm becoming less and less dependant on him every day while he is just getting more clingy. I'm like... good without him, I think? I can't even begin to tell you how fucked up that is. I used to be the clingy one... It sucks, I see that now. I want to be able to live my own life and not be inevitably stuck to his! Which is a new thing... Weird.

I don't know :/ Maybe I'm having doubts again? About our relationship I mean. I'm not really sure if I'm staying with him because I want to spend the rest of our lives together. Isn't it just what I'm used to? A habit of some sort? I'm not having any of those warm fuzzy feelings anymore. He just annoys me all the time. Nothing more, nothing less. But that doesn't mean I don't love him! I'm afraid to let go.

I've changed SO much the past year. I'm considering telling Rob that I need a break of some sort. To see how I'll cope without him.

Maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe. I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know. AAAH!

Comments: 5 kicks -Kick me.

Subject:	Isn't it strange that the stars don't shine no more
Time:	12:31 am.
Mood:	bored.

I'm bored as hell. xD
Well duh, I'm 19, it's a saturday night and I'm at home...
Heh. I didn't feel like going out tonight. I've had enough alcohol for a while.
Yesterday evening I watched 'the Reeker' together with Iwan, Michiel and Marc.
That movie sucks big time but we still had a lot of fun of course.
PS: SILENT HILL WAS ON! :D YAY! I didn't watch it,
(seen it 20 times already) but that was cool nonetheless.
I went to Marc's because Rob and I didn't have any plans for that evening anyway...
I talked to Rob earlier and he was glad he could go to bed early for a change.
And then all of a sudden Rob called me at like 1 am.
He told me that he went to the Bolle, a pub, together with Michael.

Why didn't he just say he wanted to go there earlier?? :S
He didn't call me BEFORE he went, noooo, it was after.
Oh well. It doesn't really bother me anymore but it did a little bit then.
Which doesn't even make sense, I know. Whateverrrrrrrr ;P

My dad somehow managed to fuck up with doing the laundry.
I'm SO GLAD none of my clothes were ruined in the process. Holy shit.
I'll just wash my own clothes from now on, jesus.
My mom sucks at doing the laundry, but my dad is even worse.
You don't wanna know how many times I've had to buy new jeans because of them! >:(

PS: yes, I felt like being annoying and thus decided to write the entry like this :P I promise I won't make a habit out of it (not that anyone's reading this...).

Comments: Kick me.

Time:	3:53 pm.
Mood:	optimistic.

I'm so happy!!!! our project is finally done! We handed it in today. :D!
Rob came to Barneveld wednesday evening. We had a really boring night :S
No one was home! Patricia was upstairs in her room all evening,
Imke was sleeping over at a friend's house, Jef was at work (until midnight)
and all the *new* housemates we have are stupid. They just stay in their room all day. -.-

Patricia and Jef have been fighting a lot. As usual, you could say. Jef gave his old car to a lady he met at work. her car burned down in front of the restaurant. And since Jef was already planning on buying a new one... :) I thought that was really cool of him!
But... he told Patricia that the new car was 'a really good car'. Yet he still needs to fix a load of stuff on it. And Patricia got pissed off because she wanted him to fix her bike FIRST. Because now she can't even get to school properly. And just overall DRAMA.

Iwan is still dwelling on the whole Jill-situation. Dx WHY, for god's sake??! She's a stupid bitch who starts flipping out randomly. Just ditch her dammit. Iwan reminds me a lot of myself... when I was 16. c'mon, he's almost 20 now and he still doesn't realize that he needs to get on with his life and stuff. -SIGH-

Comments: 1 kick -Kick me.

Subject:	De warme avondzon streelt jouw gezicht
Time:	9:43 pm.
Mood:	annoyed.

I've been talking to Iwan, my ex, a lot. on msn, via text messages but also IRL believe it or not. We still get along despite the occasional painful comments.

Iwan met this girl, Jill. She's 16 and he is 19. And I've always thought they liked each other and would maybe start dating sometime soon. But yesterday she started freaking out all of a sudden and telling Iwan he's a racist and what not. O_0 Iwan a racist...? uh, no. I can't even tell you why she called him that because I don't understand. Iwan doesn't either. Jill is a very strange girl if you ask me. To be continued. :P

Rob, yes that's my boyfriend, is going out tomorrow night with some people he met through xbox live. In Tilburg, which is like 2 hours from here by train! (insane, yes) They're all guys and mostly around the age of 30... He has never met them before and he doesn't know what they're like. Yes so he has 'spoken' to them via xbox or whatever. But to me that's just not the same as *knowing* someone in real life. Needless to say we've gotten into plenty of arguments over this... But he doesn't listen to me whenever I tell him that he shouldn't be going there.

So okay, just go then. One of those guys is giving Rob a ride to his house and they're all going to eat dinner together over there. And then they're going to some pubs and blablabla. And after that it's quite possible that Rob's going to spend the night in Tilburg. :| What. the. hell. Does this seem like a GOOD idea to ANYONE? I think not. =)

Comments: 1 kick -Kick me.

Subject:	D: LEND ME YOUR GUN.
Time:	6:17 pm.
Mood:	pissed off.
Music:	Sum 41- in too deep.

What a disorganized, awful day. Holy shit. Just as awful and disorganized as this post. But... I know that I will shoot someone if I don't type this =)))

Marjolein, Romina and I have had the horrible experience of working with Heleen. We need to make some stupid project thingy; pretending you're setting up a veterinary clinic and then finding out what you need to do that. It's very educational.... NOT.

Heleen is the most disgusting person from our class. She's ugly as fuck, inside and out. I hate her soooo much. I can't stand her. And... we already knew from the beginning: Heleen isn't going to do A THING. We were right. Oooo, were we right.
After weeks of trying to be nice to Heleen, we heard from our teacher that Heleen had complained about us. How she felt like we were ignoring her. OMFG. That was 3 weeks ago, and up until today we hadn't seen >>ANYTHING<< from Heleen. Nothing. We assumed she was just loafing around somewhere. While Romina and I already had 30 pages of work done.

( ...today... )

I probably translated that really shitty. But that's so you get an idea of what it was like.

Meanwhile, Heleen HAS send us some stuff. But it's like... 6 pages of TOTAL CRAP!! It's really bad, trust me. O_o unbelievable, the bullshit she writes... It's obvious she wrote all of it in an hour.

ISGAISDADHDVGHGHJVHJBHJ is all I have to say right now. >:((((

We need to prove to Sara that Heleen hasn't done anything. And I'm trying my best to get that proof. But... we don't really have it :$ Hmm. Well, we could always show Sara the difference between our work and Heleen's. It's obvious.. You can tell within 1 second that Heleen hasn't spend ANY time on it.

Comments: Kick me.

Subject:	Thunder where my foot hits the pavement
Time:	10:46 pm.
Mood:	hungry.

Wwwwwoooowwww. Speaking of dead LJ's, mine's become one of them :/

I might try to change that soon... If I can. I already tried once =(

Those dutch journal sites aren't all that great. I used to have my housemates read mine, but now they never comment anymore. And I doubt they read it at all. I do still read theirs, without commenting. Simply returning the favor or something -.- Yeah. So basically, I'm talking to the walls all the time. And Arie of course :P
Not that this journal is any different! xD Arie's the only commenter, haha. -bows- Really appreciate that by the way! =D

I went to Patrick's birthday saturday afternoon. Rob went along so I didn't have to go there by bike. Patrick doesn't have a lot of friends... a few family members were there though. They were insane! O_O Especially his granddad. He walked in, shook everyone's hand and congratulated them. Then he saw me and Rob, and stopped in his tracks. 'Who are they? I don't know you.' he said, staring. I basically imitated the color of a brick wall and explained, stuttering, that I'm a friend of Patrick's. Patrick's granddad nodded and finally shook our hands as well. My god. That man is the strangest person I ever met.

Rob and I chatted with Patrick, Emiel and Kimberley for a while. Patrick told us about the fun weekend he had with Machiel, his boyfriend. When everyone except for us was gone, he showed us pictures. Which I thought was cute =3

So that was my weekend. I haven't been out for a while and I'm quite happy that way! The people we (Rob and I) used to go with were horrible anyways. They've stopped asking if we want to come along and now we never hear from them. I can't even begin to explain why I dislike them as much as I do, there's a lot of things that have been going on. But let's just say that I have not missed having them in my life.

( 2 pictures of Pat's birthday =P )

Comments: 1 kick -Kick me.

Subject:	You can't break my spirit; it's my dreams you take
Time:	5:59 pm.

It hurts to talk, my tongue is swollen in the morning, I'm hooked on listerine and I look in the mirror every two seconds. Wait, does that mean...? yep. :P I got myself another tongue piercing.

I went to another piercer this time. And I was more comfortable with this guy actually. I was REALLY nervous all day but the second I walked in there and he started talking to me I felt better. He's hyperactive and cheery. Haha. It hurt worse this time than ever before, but it still was bearable. Imagine that.

Yaay, and that's my new piercer :>

And I definitely do not regret doing it; it looks pretty good on me! There undoubtedly are plenty people who would call me a freak nowadays but to be honest I don't care. I just laugh at them & stick out my tongue ;) I like having mah piercings, live with it fool! ^___^

Comments: 1 kick -Kick me.